Good afternoon loyal fans,
I’ve been slogging on my blogging. My apologies. I blame my bum knee. You see, a couple months ago, I tore my ACL for the SECOND time. The first time it happened, the culprit was a (perhaps overly enthusiastic) double-back-handspring into side-split-kick into my keyboard. What you might not know, is that the famous gapTCO database actually can’t run unless I, yours truly, press the magic “go” button with my left big toe. I know, some of you might be thinking “well, THAT’S a major design flaw!” But actually, years of meticulous testing has shown this is absolutely the best and only way to deliver high-quality service to our beloved clients.
So in this particular instance, everything was ready to go, and my loyal and hardworking staff was just waiting for the final big-toe-press (BTP), but there was a problem. I was under-caffeinated, and found myself in a rare, perhaps never before seen situation: I was running late. Understanding the high stakes, I dug deep into my muscle memory reserves (about two and half decades, back to my gymnastics days) and catapulted myself across our office floor, directly into my office, and extended my big toe to the keyboard just as the rest of my body fell into a contorted (but successful) pretzel on the floor.
You’re probably thinking, “Cool story Katie, but we’ve all torn ACLs/dislocated shoulders/shattered orbital bones doing office acrobatics. Your story about how you tore your ACL the SECOND time better be much cooler, or I’m never reading your blog again.”
As you may recall from my last post, I’ve been making a concerted effort to be extra AWESOME lately. And being awesome means never letting your colleagues, clients, or random acquaintances down. So I decided I better run some test runs – practice makes perfect ya know. And what I learned from test runs of the BTP after ACL tear #1 is that it is physically impossible to transport my body from Point A (door of office) to Point B (my keyboard) in .034 seconds without the use of a performance enhancing springboard device. And that, friends, is how I tore my ACL the second time – a poorly placed trampoline sent me flying off in the wrong direction during training. Now let me tell you, I had it situated in just the right spot, prepared for take-off. I can’t say what happened, and I’m not looking to point any fingers (or toes). But all I know is, that trampoline was nudged! So when I double-back-handspringed onto it, it sent me in a perfect beeline about four feet too far to the left. I may have landed in a perfect arabesque on top of my colleague’s standing desk, but my fate was already sealed: apparently this particular desk was not made to hold the weight of a TCO-Acrobat, and I came tumbling down in a most unfortunate scene. Luckily, I only train at night and during a full moon, and so no one else was in the office to witness this debacle.
You might be wondering, since I know you’re all one-step-ahead-of-the-game-whippersnapper-types: “What’s the solution here? How do we avoid another injury? Sure, I love gapTCO, but I don’t want to see anyone get hurt!” Is it as simple as guaranteeing adequate caffeination levels in the office, or do we need to look into a genetically engineered Big Toe Clone for times of dire need? Please rest assured my friends as we’ve already convened a BTP Committee on this issue, and as you know, committees are always the most efficient and effective way to get things done, since there are meetings and snacks involved. So put that worry to rest. I’ll be sure to followup with the results of the BTP Committee Meeting #1 shortly.